Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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