If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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