How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
