She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
