we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
