come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize