put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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