Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
