If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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