A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
