I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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