Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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