Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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