Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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