Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
