Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
