like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
