oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
