My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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