I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got inside last night via doggy door
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
