he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
