capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
