the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
