I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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