Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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