Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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