I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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