Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
