every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
