This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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