It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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