More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
soo... how was my night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
