you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
PANTIES FOUND
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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