Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
