Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
