you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
