He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
