I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
