Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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