I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
