I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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