Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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