Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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