Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
