I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
