Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
