U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
