i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
