im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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