$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
