Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
