wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
