I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
