I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
