We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
