I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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