I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
