hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
