I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize