I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
