She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
