life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
