Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
