We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
