I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
