My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
