If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
God, I missed his penis.
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