I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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