I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
