woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
