I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
