I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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