the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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